The Decision - and Dare I say Choice - to Work

I recently read the comments on an online forum where the typical, cliched SAHMs vs Working Moms debate battle took place (seriously, when are we going to stop the Mommy Wars?) I couldn't believe how many moms (on both sides of argument) said that it's not fair to judge working moms who, "don't have a choice". Huh?!!

So it IS okay to judge Moms who choose?

Apparently, Moms should stay home with their children, unless they have to work for financial reasons. To these folks, being a working mom and putting your baby or child in day care is only acceptable if your family cannot make ends meet without the mother working. 

Well. I have a choice and I CHOOSE to work. And that does not make me a bad, neglectful mom. There are many reasons why this was the right decision for my family, even if we could have gotten by without my salary.

"How do you KNOW it's the right decision?" a friend, who had a baby two weeks after me, had asked as our maternity leave was winding down. It's not easy to know what is the right decision for your family. I gave it a lot of thought, it's not a decision to take lightly.  Here are some of the reasons that shaped my decision, perhaps they may help you too.

Two Incomes

Yes, I'm not ashamed to admit that one of the major reasons I went back to work was for the extra income and luxuries my job afforded our family. We could have gotten by if I stayed home. We could have scaled back on date nights, not taken those yoga or tai chi classes, stuck to a strict food budget and refrained from taking plane trips to visit family. And we wanted to afford trips to visit our families. We wanted to each have a night out for yoga or tai chi class.

Also, money would have been very tight if I didn't work. As someone who started her first full-time job in her career two days after graduating from college and working non-stop for ten years, not getting a regular paycheck makes me nervous. There were years that I lived paycheck to paycheck and years where I went into debt and had to work to pull myself out of it. Paychecks were my security then and even still, not earning one now would make me very nervous.


Fulfillment for Mom

When I was home on maternity leave I remember thinking back on a conversation I had had with my cousin a few years earlier. I had asked her if she was sad about returning to work after her maternity leave ended. And she said, "No, not at all. I can't wait to get back to work!" I thought that was such an odd response. Well, years later in the same situation, I totally got it! (Judge not!)

I couldn't wait to go back to work and take a deep breath without having to listen for a crying baby. I didn't have to time my bathroom breaks to my baby's nap schedule, or answer emails with a nursing babe on my boob. But the best part was that I had something to think about that was entirely mine. Doodlebug and I had mushed into one being for months and I was able to see some of myself again when I returned to work. I was proud of doing good work. That pride helped make me a happier person.


Socializing for Baby (and Mommy)

Not wanting to put your baby in day care might be reason number one for many parents who stay home with their babies, but for me it was one of the main reasons to go back to work. We live 10 hours from Dr Dad's parents and 18 hours from mine. So needless-to-say, we knew we would not have regular company or help when we had kids. There's little opportunity for afternoons visits with Doodlebug's grandparents or date night babysitting. Being new to our city, we didn't have many friends here or know any other folks with children. So we wanted Doodlebug to be exposed to other adults and experience social activities with kids his age.

The benefit of day care to moms should not be underestimated either. I was completely overwhelmed with Doodlebug was an infant. I didn't know if he was nursing enough or sleeping enough or developing on target. Of course our pediatrician was fantastic with this concerns, but the teachers at day care were my partners too. It really helped me to hear that Doodlebug's separation anxiety was healthy, that he was eating normally and that he enjoyed giggling with his friends. I learned so much from them too - how to encourage self-soothing without crying-it-out, how to create healthy, appropriate meals and how to encourage self-help skills.