So, I've been dreading continuing this post. I have to be honest... I'm no further along on my road to losing my baby weight now than I was at Doodlebug's first birthday. I'm so embarrassed to admit that. Even a few weeks ago when I started writing this about this, I was hoping to have a revelation - a major A-HA moment about my weight. The renew dedication to my weight loss has just not happened yet. Well, I haven't made it happen yet. I'll know I need to take responsibility for that.
This is my life right now.
Okay, that's what I keep telling myself... and maybe it's time to stop it.
When am I going to find the balance between being an attentive mom, a loving wife, a thoughtful friend, a creative writer, an amateur photographer, a crafty mind, an adventurous spirit, a productive employee, and a fit, strong woman?
Have I just wished for the impossible? I'd like to think that some version of that is possible for me. Of course, there are always going to compromises. But why is the last one always the one that gets compromised out?
A fit, strong woman.
Is it because it's a version of me that is solely for me? I know that when I'm happy and feeling fulfilled, my family is happier and functions better. But when Doodlebug is in the middle of fierce sleep regression, Dr. Spacetime is working late on a big project at work and my mind is focused on an ailing relative; getting a decent dinner on the table or sleeping an extra 30 minutes seems like the best thing for my family at that very moment.
How do I break that immediate-solution-is-the-only-solution rut? Because I could probably do without those 30 extra minutes of sleep, but I can't see that clearly in the morning. And with better planning ahead, I could also probably get a balance meal together for dinner, without having to cook for half an hour immediate upon getting home from work with Doodlebug screaming for food at my feet.
Yes, that must be possible. Other working families must have this worked out somehow. How do they do it? Hello mamas out there! Do you just not sleep? Do you just say 'to-hell-with it, I'll have a hobby again when my kids go off to college'?
I think if I could catch my breath for a couple of days I could see through the mommy cloud that has become my brain recently... Maybe then I develop a better plan to this parenting thing, other than flying by the seat of my pants.
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